Little about Me!!!

Hello. My name is Crystal. I am a mother of 4 children. I am a stay at home mother.

Ever since I was a child, I knew that I wanted to have children. I couldn't wait to grow up, meet my Prince Charming, and start a family. In high school, I met my husband, Billy. We started dating in 2000. He was the same as me, couldn't wait to have a family. We were talking about children right from day one. We became engaged in 2002, then finally said our "I Do's" in the spring of 2004. I was happy that I have found my Prince Charming.

Even though we both really wanted to have children, we decided to wait until we were better "financially stable" to start our family. It was not ideal to start a family while living in a one bedroom apartment, and both still in university and college. So we waited a couple of years.

When we weren't expecting it, but in 2006, we found out we were expecting. We were both happy. But unfortunately, we lost the baby at 13 weeks. We came to terms with it. My motto is: Things happens for a reason! It was just not time for us to have a baby. Shortly after I had my miscarriage, we purchased our first house. Shortly after that, I found out that I was expecting again.

In February 2007, we welcomed our first child, Izabella. Both my husband and I were ecstatic. We were finally parents. I thought myself to be a good mother. Only had to deal with one child, no need to "blow my top" on her for anything. Shortly after she turned one, we found out that we were expecting again.

In February 2009, we welcomed our second child, Alixandra. I was extremely happy to of had 2 girls. Growing up, I always said that I wanted to have 2 children, and to have 2 beautiful girls, was a blessing. It was harder after she came, to keep calm. After being use to sleeping through the night, then having to wake up every 2 hours with a new baby was hard. Plus to deal with a 2 year old all day, and a baby... I know that there is other mothers out there who understand. But I felt tired all the time. My tolerance for my children was starting to wear thin.

The time that my patience level went even lower, was when I was pregnant with my twins. I was tired; I was sick; I had to still deal with a 4 year old and 2 year old. It felt like a marathon just to walk from my couch to my kitchen. That's when "angry mom" really started.

In July 2011, we welcomed our third and fourth children, William and Claude. My husband was happy to of finally got his boys that he wanted. When I was younger, I always wanted to have twins. (I wanted to have 2 children. One boy, one girl.  Twins. Be pregnant only once, and have what I want. Reality is, life doesn't happen like you want it to be.) We had the perfect family, two beautiful girls, and 2 adorable boys. I was happy to be a mother of 4 children.

Life after having the boys was different. I was use to dealing with children at that point. But we were not use to being out numbered! My mom and sister came to help me out the first few weeks after they were born. But I had to learn to deal with these kids myself.

At first, the reasoning behind lost of patience, was the lack of sleep I had. Being a mother of 4 was harder then I thought. I also put a lot of expectations on my children too. I expected the older two to know what is expected of them. Know to stay in the yard! Know to touch or not touch! Know to follow mommy!. Looking back, I guess it was my fault to of expect so much out of them. After all, they were still children too. The boys, well they were just babies. Nothing was expected out of them, expect eat, sleep, poop.

Once my boys grew older, started sleeping through the night, walking on their own, eating on their own, I figured that I would regain some of my patience. But I haven't. I still get mad at all of my kids. I "loose my top" often. Why? Maybe I'm just so accustom to doing it, that I haven't changed. Maybe I have changed so much since my first child, that this is the new me. I do feel bad when I raise my voice to my children. I never got yelled at as a child, so why am I doing it to my children?

Last night, while at my daughters dance class, I was visiting with the other mothers. We started talking about our patience levels with our children. I admitted that I loose my patience often, and relate to yelling at them. To hear of other mothers in the same boat as me, it's comforting. I always know there is probably someone else in this world who is going through the same challenges as I am.

Last night, while laying in bed, I decided to check over Facebook to see what went on during the day. Someone posted a post about the Orange Rhino Challenge. I was intrigued, so I read it over. It was weird, because I was having the same conversation with mothers a few hours earlier. After looking over everything on the website, I reposted the post, and wrote "Had a conversation with some other moms tonight about loosing our cool with our children. I know I raise my voice a little too much. I'm going to do this challenge. Who's with me?" I still haven't found some companions to take this journey with. But I am determine to give it a go. 

This being the reasoning behind this blog. I am going to be using this as my journal with this challenge. I am going to write the good, the bad, and the ugly here.